And Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child
April 15, 2024
In this affecting memoir, Kuzmič (Hold On, but Don’t Hold Still) recounts supporting her teenage son through a severe mental health crisis complicated by substance abuse. She assumed that her eldest son, Luka, was going through the normal pangs of adolescence when he became withdrawn around his 13th birthday, but over the next two years he started lashing out at teachers and family and self-medicating with painkillers and alcohol, leaving Kuzmič feeling helpless and searching for answers. Recalling her agonizing attempts to get professional help for Luka, who was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder, Kuzmič discusses pained conversations about her son’s suicidal ideation during joint therapy sessions and the difficult decision to temporarily place him in a residential care facility after a violent outburst. Kuzmič’s candid reflections plumb the intricacies of parent-child relationships, as when she describes realizing that her tendency to view Luka’s problems as a negative reflection on her parenting was hampering her ability to “genuinely listen and empathize.” A poignant concluding chapter written by Luka explains his mental health struggles in frank detail (“I took out my anger on the people I love the most because I knew they wouldn’t leave me”), before arriving at the hopeful conclusion: “Life gets better, but we have to put in the work.” Readers will be moved. Agent: Anna Sproul-Latimer, Neon Literary.
Starred review from May 1, 2024
Kuzmic (Hold On, But Don't Hold Still) is known for her witty, truth-filled parenting videos that aren't afraid to tackle hot-button issues; this book is no different. Her book notes that parents are often ashamed to admit how challenging parenting actually is. She argues that traditional parenting models are based on fear, shame, and control, which can backfire, so she urges parents to make a paradigm shift. Raw and unflinching, this book starts with a portrayal of Luca, Kuzmic's teenage son, who has been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. He punches the shower tiles in an attempt to feel something and has considered suicide. Eventually, he is legally mandated to get treatment at a psychiatric facility, which had a considerable impact on Kuzmic and her marriage. Each chapter title is based on a lie that she and other parents believe, such as everything that their child goes through is the result of bad parenting. The book's final section is written by Luca, which gives parents a fresh perspective on the teenage years. VERDICT Parents will find the need for tissues, several laugh-out-loud sections, and honest reflections in this highly relatable book.
Copyright 2024 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.