Desire

May 1, 2023
Psychologists Mersy and Vencill debut with a pragmatic guide aimed at helping couples navigate desire mismatches. Framing sexual desire as an individualized, one-size-does-not-fit-all equation, the authors outline the constellation of factors that can impact libido, from the interpersonal (relationship concerns, parenting stressors) to the sociocultural (homophobia, religious values). Paying particular attention to sexual shame and the ills of gendered sexual stereotypes, they encourage readers to break free of the heteronormative “Sexual Staircase” model, in which sexual activity inevitably culminates in penetrative intercourse, and embrace the inclusive “Wheel Model,” which allows fluid movement between sexual activities, all of which are of equal value. To help readers achieve this, the authors provide such exercises as “intimacy dates,” which involve blocking off time for sexual exploration with a partner, and suggest keeping a sexual health journal to reflect on personal preferences. Mersy and Vencill’s advice is grounded in clinical experience, delivered in accessible prose, and backed by a sex-positive attitude that accounts for a host of sexual orientations, preferences, and other factors—they include sections on how desire is affected by disability and depression. Those seeking to strengthen their sexual connections will find this a comprehensive place to start.