Self-Portrait with Nothing

July 11, 2022
Pokwatka’s speculative debut straddles the line between sci-fi thriller and literary fiction. Enigmatic painter Ula Frost is missing and the only clues to her disappearance are the portraits she left behind, which are said to manifest an alternate version of the sitter from their universe into this one, often with tragic consequences. Forensic anthropologist Pepper Rafferty was abandoned on a doorstep as a baby and the consequences of that moment echo into Pepper’s present day: she’s “so terrified she’d inherited an instinct to abandon people that she tried to make them abandon her first.” After Pepper mysteriously inherits property from Ula, she follows the painter’s trail first to London and then Wrocław, Poland. Unlike most stories incorporating Many Worlds theory, Pokwatka focuses not on exploration or the mechanics of branching universes but on the emotional ramifications; Pepper spends much of the novel wondering about alternate, “better” versions of herself. But as she delves deeper into Ula’s disappearance and discovers a world of art heists and shady millionaires, Pepper learns to embrace her imperfections. The result is a deeply felt, introspective meditation on motherhood and the nature of the self.

Starred review from August 1, 2022

DEBUT A baby is abandoned in a dog bed on the front porch at the home of two female veterinarians, who quickly decide to keep the baby and name her Pepper. Pepper grows up at the veterinary clinic, learning to care for the animals. As a young teenager, Pepper observes Tilda Hogan, frequent visitor to the clinic and also sister to Ula Frost, a famous but reclusive portrait painter, inserting a package in the family mailbox that includes a large check for Pepper. From that moment, Pepper suspects that her biological mother is Ula, but relates her suspicions to no one. Ula paints self-portraits set in local landscapes, but with slight differences, such as including trees in a field that has no trees. Some claim that her portraits summon subjects from parallel universes. When Ula disappears, Pepper's subsequent hunt for her is affected by many weird and wonderful factors, including the possibility of a multiverse. VERDICT Pokwatka's debut is a unique and well-plotted story with many twists and turns. Recommended for science fiction fans, but it will also appeal to a wider audience.--Vicki L. Gregory

Copyright 2022 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

September 15, 2022
Pepper Rafferty has lived her whole life imagining alternate universes where she analyzes how circumstances would change events. Raised by her veterinarian moms, Annie and Lydia, she now analyzes bones and teaches grad students at a university. Her biological mother, however, is renowned painter Ula Frost, who gave Pepper up as a baby and has never contacted her. Pepper struggles with feeling unwanted and simultaneously wanting to forget Ula exists while also longing to meet her. When Ula goes missing, Pepper is forced to confront her fears and anxieties, and she goes on a mission to Europe to track Ula down. She's named as Ula's beneficiary and travels from England to Germany to Poland in an attempt to figure out what's happened to her mother. The supporting cast of characters--Pepper's loyal husband, Ike, her unwitting traveling companion, Scott, and all those whom Ula impacted in one way or another--are perfect additions to Pokwatka's debut novel. Part sf and part mystery, sprinkled with historical nuggets, this book is perfect for fans of either genre.

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